Why is it so complicated?
by VulcanCheesecake
Summary: Okay, so I know it says Kirk and Spock, but there's another couple in this story Sulu and Chekov . Kirk and Chekov are together, but both realise their love lies with another. It says Star Trek: 2009, but you can set this in TOS if you want


The bridge was almost empty now. Only Spock, Chekov and Kirk remained, and Spock was just finishing his shift. Both Chekov and Kirk had already finished, and were waiting around for a different reason. Spock soon got up and left with only a nod to his shipmates, while Chekov pretended to still work, so he didn't arouse suspicion; relationships between crew members weren't strictly allowed. After Spock had gone, Chekov abandoned his work station, and laced small fingers, that still hinted at his youth, into Kirk's. "Good evening captain"

"Evening, Pavel" Jim tilted his head up, capturing the Russian's lips, while pulling him onto his lap. Those soft hands found their way up his shirt, caressing his skin. Jim gave back all he got, but for some puzzling reason, all the electricity, the spark that was usually between him and his lover, was gone. Instead, his thoughts wandered back to his First Officer's hands, and he kept imagining, and subsequently cursing himself for it, said Officer on his knees, with the long, green tinted hands up his shirt. Even through his own fantasies that he was trying, but only having some success, to repress, Jim couldn't help but notice that he didn't have Chekov's full attention. Though his mind was also elsewhere, he couldn't help but feel slightly offended. Jim's sudden tension didn't go unnoticed by Chekov, so he attempted to pull his focus away from a certain Japanese pilot and fencer. Kirk looked into the teen's eyes. "You feeling ok?"

"Y-yeah" Chekov replied somewhat shakily, dropping his gaze.

"Tell me about it". There was no question in the captain's tone and Chekov felt slightly intimidated at the captain's authority. He bit his lip. "I was thinking...thinking about Sulu" there was no point in lying. Realisation hit Jim like a well placed punch in the gut.

"What?"

"I'm sorry!" Chekov pleaded, expecting the captain be angry at his confession.

"No. It's ok. I was thinking about Spock, too. This is all wrong. We have to do something." Chekov removed his hands from under his captain's shirt, but did not remove himself from Jim's knees. "Y-yes" his voice shook more; his heart was sinking; everything would change. He wanted it to, didn't want it to, and "Why does everything have to be so complicated?!" he wasn't aware that he'd said the last thought out loud until Jim put a comforting hand on his waist. "Life is, Pavel. Come on. Tell me about it." his tone was sincere and gentle.

"Well I've been thinking about S-sulu a lot recently and I...I realised..." Chekov broke off, swallowing hard. He couldn't hide the glisten in his eyes, even though he closed his eyes against it, and some tears escaped. Jim wiped the water away with the pad of his thumb, and pulled his young crew-member closer. "Go on."

"I...can't say for sure yet, b-but I think I love him. And I like you a whole lot...I don't _really _want to leave you...at least I d-don't think I do...but now you t-tell me about Mr. S-Spock." Kirk patted Chekov sympathetically on his back in an attempt to sooth him.

Tears were still slowly falling down the young Russian's face but he seemed calmer now he had spoken his mind, apart from the odd sniffle here and there "Captain.....I'm sorry.....I really am....but Hikaru....I do love him. I really do…I think."

"It's all right Pavel. You know we were just a fling" Kirk said gently wiping more tears from the teen's face. Chekov nodded sadly; he had not wanted to think of it like that, but he knew it would hardly be long-term, with Jim's reputation of sexual conquest, and his own age and inexperience. "A-and I know you love Mr. Spock!" There was the tiniest note of shrill accusation in the statement. Kirk looked slightly shocked for a moment before he let out a small humourless laugh "It's really that obvious isn't it?" Chekov answered with seriousness that seemed somewhat out of place on his usually happy features (with the exception of the last few minutes he had spent crying) "It's obvious to most of us captain. We see how you look at him...how you act around him. But please, don't try to compare him to the rest of the crew. Just because it's obvious to us doesn't mean it is to him. He doesn't think like the rest of us, you should know that. It's likely that he has no idea how you feel. I mean, he's not really used to getting on with other people. This is all new to him, so you've got to take charge. Tell him." Chekov smiled "And everyone knows how good you are at that. Especially me." He sniffed, wiped away the last of his tears and attempted to laugh at his own joke, with some degree of triumph. There were a few moments of silent contemplation, and Chekov spoke again, in a slightly shocked voice. "So...we're over. We're finished? That's it." Even Jim was a little startled at the abruptness, as evidently Chekov was.

"I guess so." Chekov nodded.

"You know you took my virginity, don't you?" Chekov had never said anything, but Jim had guessed as much, if only by Chekov's age. (He was only 19, but still a highly intelligent and valued member of the Enterprise team.)

"I guessed."

"Please captain...I won't bother you again, if you'll just kiss me one more time." Though Chekov chastised himself for being overly-sentimental, he couldn't stop himself from making the request. Jim Kirk nodded solemnly, and kissed Chekov a soft farewell. "Goodbye, Pavel."

"Goodbye, Jim. I hope this won't affect at least our friendship. I...I hope you know I don't blame you for wanting Spock...I'm just the same."

"I don't blame you either. Now go on. I need to think." He gave Chekov's arm a squeeze, and watched his retreating back. "Hey, Pavel!" Jim had an afterthought and called after Chekov, making him turn around. "Make sure Hikaru knows how you feel about him, too. As far as I can tell, he's also unfamiliar with these things." Chekov gave a sad smile.

"I will. But I'm a little afraid of what will happen if he doesn't feel the same." and with that, he was gone. When Jim had lost sight of Pavel, and was sure he couldn't be heard, he sighed. What an evening.

Chekov went straight to the mess hall; his stomach rumbled, and there was nothing else to do anyway. He felt a little numb with the thought that he and Jim had broken up, but he had known that they would, eventually. Because it was late, the hall wasn't very full, with only the slow eaters, or longer shift workers remaining. Sulu was sitting on his own at a table; Scotty and Bones had left, and Uhura was sitting with a group of other women. Chekov picked his food and went to sit opposite him. Sulu didn't notice his presence until he actually sat down; the scraping of the chair made him look up. Even then he only looked up, gave a customary smile to Chekov that didn't reach his eyes, and looked back into his dish. "Hello, Hikaru." Sulu immediately stopped prodding his carrots with his fork, but that was the only reaction to what Chekov had said. "Sorry, is it okay if I sit here?"

"Oh sure, sit where you want."

"It's just, you're not talking. You usually do. I thought we were friends."

"We are."

"Then talk to me, Hikaru." He'd done it again. Chekov had used his first name. Nobody did that. He wasn't aware that anybody even _knew _his first name. In fact, nobody really knew anything about him. It saddened him slightly, that nobody ever _wanted _to know things about him. He assumed he and Chekov, well, he and any of the other crew members, were only friends on a work basis. That didn't stop him thinking wistfully about Chekov though, when he was alone. He blushed a delicate shade of pink, hoping the other couldn't see.

"Why weren't you here with Scotty and Bones? You work the same hours they do. Same as I do."

"I uh…stayed back because the captain asked me to."

"Are you aware of the rumours going around? That you and the captain are…you know…together."

"I thought there might be some."

"So it's _true?"_ Sulu couldn't hide a small hint of disappointment, and Chekov picked up on it, hardly daring to hope.

"Well, it was." He bit his lip, reality getting through the numbness. "We just broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No it's okay. We always knew it was only a fling. Oh…please, don't tell anybody. Let the rumours stay rumours."

"Of course…Pavel." Sulu decided he would try the same tactic on Chekov.

"Thank you." Chekov gave nothing away, and continued eating his cold dinner. Sulu said nothing else, until Chekov got up to leave. "I have a fencing match tomorrow. Straight after our shift." It was a statement but the invitation was clear. That was as brave as shy little Hikaru Sulu got. Chekov smiled at him; a proper smile that lit up his whole face. A smile Sulu hoped to see a lot more of, if only he had the nerve to ask. There were no words, but it was a clear answer.

Jim Kirk was sat alone on his chair in the bridge; absorbed in his thoughts and the problem of confessing his feelings to Spock, when the Vulcan himself wandered back in. "Apologies captain, if I have disturbed you. I simply left behind my-"

"It doesn't matter Spock, I need to talk to you anyway." Jim interrupted.

"What is it you wish to tell me, captain?"

"Please, stick with 'Jim', we're friends, right?"

"Do you mean other than on a work basis? It seems that is correct. We are 'friends' as you say. On account of our liaisons outside of working hours. Namely, our chess games."

"Damn it, Spock, stop being so…so…Vulcan!"

"Impossible I'm afraid, sir. I cannot change who I am."

"I know. I _know_. I didn't mean it literally."

"I'm sorry captain, I don't understand. Is this what you wanted to talk about?"

"Forget it. No, it wasn't. But uh…" as soon as he tried to put what he felt into words, Jim realised that he had no idea how to go about it. "Do you understand that what is _right_, isn't always _logical?"_

"But logic is always right. It's only logical that it should be. I fail to see how anything illogical could be considered 'right' over logic."

"Damn your logic, and damn you, Spock. Why do you do this to me?" Kirk muttered under his breath. Spock probably heard with his sensitive ears, but if he did, he didn't say anything. "Well, yes, logic is usually right, but sometimes illogical things are right too."

"Perhaps for humans, captain, but I have never come across an example of this in Vulcan culture."

"Well obviously, not in _Vulcan _culture, that's _based_ on logic, but yes, for humans."

"May I have an example of something illogical being right?"

"Uh, well…love, Spock." Jim was blushing now, and Spock was still not understanding properly. "Love, sir? Yes, that is the most illogical of emotions. And for humans, I guess it's considered a good thing." He said the last part with a hint of annoyance at being proved wrong. Annoyance was an emotion…so there _was_ hope! "Is this all you wanted to say, captain? I have research to be completing."

"No, it's not, stay here. Speaking of…love…you know about it, right."

"Certainly captain. I have been studying human behaviour for a number of years now. Love is an illogical emotion, that occurs when two people are attracted to one another, and may lead to various displays of affection, such as-"

"_Thank _you Mr. Spock. I know what it leads to. But do you know what it's like, other than the dictionary definition? Do you know what it's like to _be _in love?"

"I am sure I've never felt this emotion. I _was _sure…until I joined your Enterprise team." The last part was whispered to himself, and Jim didn't hear. "Where is this discussion leading, captain? I fail to see any point in it."

"Do you really not understand, Spock? Are you that blind that you haven't noticed? _I _am in love."

"I see…with whom?"

"Damn it Spock!" Jim said, for the second time in ten minutes.

"I'm afraid that gives me no answers. And I apologise if I am prying; your affairs are of course, your business." Jim shook his head; he knew Spock wouldn't understand like another human would, but he thought he had made it clear, and hadn't expected this. He could find no words, so he stood up and took Spock's hands in his own. The shock on his friend's face was evident; touching hands was considered very intimate in Vulcan society, as Jim knew well.


End file.
